There is Room in my Heart

Driving back from Indy today I had a flashback of last summer. It was of the first time I rode in the car after the delivery. It had been six weeks since I saw the outside world! It was such a liberating feeling, like I could breathe again. Normally when you ride in the car after delivery you have your baby(ies) in the backseat. The backseat was empty, but my heart was not. We had two strong babies waiting for us in their tiny beds in the NICU. I was thankful that they were alive and that in just a few short weeks we could take them home. In my heart I felt for all of the mothers, including some that are dear to me, who never got to bring their babies home, who never had the chance to even hold their child. I have no explanation or rationalization for it. I don't claim to know how it feels, but today I had a moment of silence, and those mothers will always have a place in my heart.

As I kept driving down that same road, I reflected over the past seven months. It's poetic that our girls are seven months on Valentine's Day. I had always had a resentment for Valentine's Day. I told Allan I had hoped that someday something good would happen to change my mind about it. This is my year, because this time I have three valentines. Over the past seven months, I have fallen completely in love with our two little girls. Allan and I have struggled financially, physically, emotionally, and socially as we try to be the best parents we can be. Even in hard times, our babies make us smile, and they make our hearts melt into a big puddle of love. My family fills my heart.

Someday we will look back on these days when they didn't have a bedroom until they were seven months old. We will remember all of the friends and family that helped us raise our babies, praying for us, buying formula, diapers, and clothes. We will remember all the love that went into our family. We don't know what would have happened if we didn't have the support that we do now. That's what I will remember most about this Valentine's Day. Although I have a wonderful, loving husband, I am realizing Valentine's Day is more important than celebrating romantic love. It's about celebrating the different kinds of love in your life. This year on Valentine's Day I am thinking about all the generous hearts that have blessed our family, all the way down to the stranger who offered to help me as I struggled to get two crying babies in their stroller. Thank you everyone for making an impression in our lives as new parents. You are also in my heart.