Once upon a time, on July 14, 2009, the Carr family welcomed two tiny little baby girls. They were called identical twins. Because they came into the world five weeks early, one weighed three pounds and the other weighed five pounds. This did not stop them from making themselves known in the world, because we all know that even little ones can do great things. They began to push through life from day one, gaining weight and making their parents proud. This is the story of two very strong little babies. This is the tale of the two Carrs...Sayla Joy and Brynna Lu.
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(read previous blogs at twocarrgarage.blogspot.com)
By mid-July, five weeks after admission into the hospital, Baby A, Baby B and Mommy were becoming very impatient. Thirty-five weeks and still no signs of labor. Most twin moms have popped by that time. The difference with our little girls was that Baby B was about a month behind in growth. By then she had just hit the three pound mark, making her survival chances much higher than the week before! If she had been born before thirty weeks, like many twins are, she may never have survived. On July 12th, I talked to Allan on the phone. He was at home an hour away trying to prepare our home for the girls' arrival. He broke down...I cried too. He was stretched so many different ways and I was so tired of being really, really pregnant. I just wanted to hold my girls. I cried myself to sleep, praying that God would hurry and "get these babies out." The next morning the doctors made their rounds, as usual. Except this morning a brand new doctor came in with his med students. He shook my hand, introduced himself and said "You've never met me before because this is my first day at IU Hospital. My feeling is that you've been pregnant long enough." I couldn't help but yelp with relief, "Thank you!" He gave me the option of a "normal" birth, which might or might not work. I said no. The chances of Baby B undergoing too much stress and me having an emergency c-section sounded a lot less appealing than just having a c-section to begin with. So the new doctor said, "Ok, then how's tomorrow morning?" I told him it was perfect. He shook my hand and they all left the room. I was suddenly alone with my thoughts and emotions. I was afraid, but not for me anymore. I knew that ultrasounds aren't always accurate with weights, that sometimes they can be a pound or two off. I was just hoping Baby B didn't weigh that much less than she already was. I had so much fear. I was excited that I would see my babies in 24 hours, but I was nervous about whether my babies would be healthy and safe. I was scared about being a mom. "Mom...oh yeah...my mom." We both had a strong feeling they would be born on July 14. After I remembered that I felt a little more peace.
I called Allan to tell him the news. He was driving to a job when I told him we would have two screaming babies the next morning. I remember him telling me that his knees were shaking as he walked up to the customer's house. He went home that night, then finally made it to the hospital just before midnight. By then they had moved me into Labor and Delivery because I was having strong contractions (maybe the babies heard the good news too). They drugged me up with half a dose of narcotics and I was in another world for the rest of the night. I was dizzy and Allan told me I was trying to put food in my mouth and was unsuccessful almost every time. I eventually just gave up eating! The next morning at 6 am, a doctor came in to tell me that they were moving my scheduled time to 8am instead of 10am. Oh boy! We were both so nervous.
Two hours later, I was wheeled to the O.R. as Allan changed into his scrubs. I was prepped with a spinal block and waited for my wonderful husband to join me. Sadly I don't remember much about the whole process. I was still feeling woozy from my medication. I do remember my arms spread out, Allan holding my hand, and we were waiting for the sound...you know the sound...the first cry. It was Baby A...Sayla. 8:48 am July 14, 2009. The next minute seemed like it lasted forever as I was so nervous, praying to hear little Baby B. At 8:49 am...Brynna cried. What a miraculous moment! We thought we would cry too, but neither one of us did. He was too busy trying to be a dad and a husband at the same time, running back and forth between me and his baby girls in another room. They brought Sayla in for me to touch her. I don't remember what she felt like. I was fighting sleep, but the meds got the best of me and I fell in and out of sleep the whole day. It really did seem like a really long dream.
I came back to my little room I had become so acquainted with over the past five weeks. I remember people coming to see me, but all I remember were faces, not much of anything else...except when my nurse told me they had pumped me with too much fluid. That made the next few days very interesting. I remember looking down at my legs and trying to will them to move. They didn't. That was the strangest sensation (or lack thereof) that I had ever felt in my life.
That night when I was conscious, Allan finally wheeled me down to see my precious little babies. Allan saw them before I did, but never held them until I could too. I held Brynna first while Allan held Sayla. She was so tiny and behind her C-pap and everything else strapped to her, there was the sweet little face of Baby B. My little Brynna Lu. Our stubborn fighter, our little miracle, our proof of God's grace. I told her I loved her and decided to hold Sayla next. In the middle of trading them with Allan I thought about whether the feeling would be the same. Would it feel different since that moment of holding my baby for the very first time was already claimed by Brynna? It wasn't the same. It wasn't different either. It was the same level of love and excitement, just a different kind. I really did have enough love for both of them. As I held Sayla I said her name over and over in my head and told her I loved her. In the essence of Dr. Suess, my heart grew twice as big that day.
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